reason

The reason I ultimately left, I didn’t get to explain. I was being rather hot headed. I didn’t want to have to talk to you yet but you came. I was glad. But what you said, made me more upset. 

You wanted to talk to me solely to clear your name. You just wanted an explanation. It seemed like you didn’t care if I talked to you again or not.  You took it for granted that I’d automatically text you again when I felt better. Did it occur it you that I might not ever feel better? 

When you called I gave in. Because I thought that you’d finally realize that things don’t work one way. Even as friends. You know it always feels like I’m putting in all the effort and trying to take the initiative. I always have to be careful of what I say. When you get upset it’s my fault. And when I get upset I have to hide it as much as I can if not I’ll make you cry. 

I was tired of being taken for granted. And I know things will continue to be so. That’s why I left. As a friend I would care too much, and I will try my best to do everything for you. But you’d just tell me to forget about it or that it’s okay. It’s never trouble for me when it’s you. But you chose to ask someone else. Yeah for them it’s on the way. But to the person that’s been trying to close the gap, to the person that wants to get to know you more, how does that leave me? You have never considered the feelings of others. You look only on the surface, and forget to see if there’s any other meaning to words said. 

When I said I was leaving.. No resistance. You left it to me. So I left. Why would I want to stay with someone who takes me for granted? You don’t think you do, but that’s how things feel to me. Take a day in my shoes, and you’ll know how much the things you say without realizing hurts. 

I still want to talk to you. I still want to call you. There’s still many things left I wish to do with you. But if you can’t be the one to take the step forward and reach out, then there’s no point. It’ll just be the same as back then. Me chasing you for a year blindly, without knowing if there’s a clear ending. 

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